


Keep out the children

by Bulimia_in_the_house



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: Bromance, Friendship, Gen, Mafia AU, Minor Character Death, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulimia_in_the_house/pseuds/Bulimia_in_the_house
Summary: Mafia!AU: Howard wishes he never went back to Randy’s house late at night.
Relationships: Randy Cunningham & Howard Weinerman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Keep out the children

  
“That. Was. The cheese!”  
  
“You honkin’ know it! We just achieved the brucest achievement known in mankind!!”  
  
Its late at night when Howard and Randy returned from Greg’s Game Hole after a full day of nonstop hardcore gaming. Their thumbs are sore from all that button mashing and combo pressing, but it was all worth it. They gathered enough tickets to win the Megasize Golden Ticket, a ticket that would give them all access to games that aren’t accessible to the public. The two friends celebrated their success by using the Golden Ticket to play even more scrapped games at the basement of the Game Hole.  
  
Howard and Randy walked towards the latter’s house and dropped him off. Randy struggled with the key for a while before jamming it in and the door gave way. He went inside and waved at Howard.  
  
“See ‘ya tomorrow for more epic gaming sesh?”  
  
“You know it, you shoob. Hurry up, your mom’s gonna be worried sick”  
  
“Awww Howard, are you worried about me?” Randy grinned.  
  
“I don’t wanna die at your mom’s hands, shoob. She freaks me out”  
  
“Hey! my mom’s the cheese”  
  
“SHE FREAKS ME OUT OKAY!!”  
  
Randy laughed before waving back and went inside. When the front door had closed shut, Howard started his trek back home. He had been walking for five minutes when he realized he had Randy’s wallet. _‘The shoob must have forgotten it’_ Howard groaned as he turned back and jogged back to Randy’s home.  
  
When he got there and tried opening the door, it was locked. However, Howard had been to Randy’s so many times now that he knows where his purple haired friend keeps the key. Turning the fake potted plant upside down, he gets it and jammed it in the keyhole. The door opened with a click, and Howard peeked inside the dark house.  
  
Randy’s house have some Japanese inspired style to it, although none of the Cunninghams are Japanese themselves. ‘It’s “chic”’ Randy said when asked about it. Howard suspected that it was his mom’s decision, since his dad rarely comes home with the amount of business trips he’s been having. Heck, Howard thinks he have been inside the household more times than the man himself.  
  
Howard walked through the dark halls. “CUNNINGHAAAM YOU LEFT YOUR WALLET”  
  
No response.  
  
“Cunningham I swear, if you don’t get your wallet I’m gonna use your Charlie’s Chicken Giftcard.”  
  
Howard turned in a corner and saw light flooding Randy’s bedroom. The door opened and Mrs. Cunningham got out. Howard hid before she could see her.  
  
_‘Why am I hiding?’_ Howard thought. ‘Its just Cunningham’s mom’. But he can’t help but feel that if he wasn’t hidden, it would have been bad.  
  
When Mrs. Cunningham left the halls, Howard got up and opened Randy’s door. He looked outside just to be sure Mrs. Cunningham isn’t back.  
  
“Cunningham, your wallet is with me. You don’t have the bucks that I could mooch over…”  
  
Howard froze, his eyes swept on the figure of his best friend, over the unmoving body of some guy laid on his back on the floor.  
  
There’s no visible blood. Yet.  
  
“Howard…”  
  
“Hello Mr. Weinerman”  
  
Howard turned around to find Mrs. Cunningham at the doorway, arms crossed and leaning casually as if she was having a normal conversation with her son’s bestfriend.  
  
“What the juice is this?!” Howard freaked out.  
  
Randy opened his mouth to explain when his mom beat him to it.  
  
“Mr. Barnes and I had a disagreement. We talked things over and figured it all out, like adults do, young man.”  
  
“There’s no trace of adulting that I could see in front of me ma’am!”  
  
Mrs. Cunningham just smiled. Its sickeningly sweet with a hint of knowing behind it. She looked behind him, towards her son, and gave him a tiny nod that you wouldn’t catch if you weren’t looking at her.  
  
Howard turned around and saw Randy conflicted.  
  
But it was enough time for Mrs. Cunningham to hold Howard immobile and prick his neck with a syringe.  
  
Howard’s eyes widened and began to trash around. He could feel his bones getting heavier and heavier, and his movements began to become more frantic as he flailed his limbs to no avail. He feels the unconsciousness taking him and slowly lull him to sleep. Before he closed his eyes, he could see the face of his best friend warp into a sneer directed at someone behind him. It wasn’t long before darkness consumed him when he finally stopped moving.  
\----------  
  
“MOM!!”  
  
“Don’t give me that look young man, you know what happens if people find out about… this” Mrs. Cunningham said as she gestured around her.  
  
Randy pinched the bridge of his nose and calmed down. He could see Howard laying unconscious not far from the other body. Randy laid his eyes somewhere quickly. Thinking of Howard anywhere near harm always made him feel sick.  
  
Mrs. Cunningham looked at her son fondly. She sighed and slowly went towards him. His eyes looked up and glared, stopping her. She watched him pick up his friend carefully and carry him to his own bed.  
  
“Randy, you know he has to be gone for a while.” She paused. “Not necessarily dead, just enough so he won’t be targeted.”  
  
“There’s no one here but you, me, and a dead man, Mom!”  
  
“The Mafia has eyes and ears everywhere, honey. As my son, my enemies won’t target you, but they will desperately use anyone to use against us. I already told you befriending Howard is a risky and careless move…”  
  
“It has been years mom! If your enemies had made a move, it should have been done years ago!! The reason why they didn’t even target Howard is because he isn’t much worth of a target or a victim because of his brash attitude towards me. They don’t suspect anything!!!” Randy argued.  
  
He looked again at Howard and saw his face twitch and crease before smoothing out. He looked like he’s having a dreamless sleep. Randy ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, choosing to sit down next to his sleeping friend.  
  
"I’m gonna tell Howard the truth.”  
  
But his mom is not having it.  
  
“Randy…!”  
  
“Mom, listen to me for a second.”  
  
Mrs. Cunningham silently crossed her arms.  
  
“I know you’re worried about me. About your enemies finding me and taking me away from you. That’s why you taught me how to fight, to defend myself against those people. But Howard is also important to me. He keeps me from watching my back like a paranoid lunatic. He keeps me grounded and sane. Without him, I might have turned out like dad..”  
  
“Your father…”  
  
“Father is cold and harsh, even if you love him. I don’t want to be like that. I’m happy with how I turned out, because despite Howard being insensitive and childish and loud, he stuck through with me all this time. Something dad never did for the both of us.”  
  
The room is silent but the tension is no longer there. Randy paused before continuing.  
  
“Howard can keep a secret, mom. I promise we won’t be in trouble.”  
  
Mrs. Cunningham sighed, walked towards her son and enveloped him in a hug. Randy looked up at his mom and watched her face. Her wrinkles look more apparent when the light shined down upon them, even more so as it creases whenever she’s in deep thought. It made her look old and tired.  
  
“I will leave you and Howard alone..” she said  
  
Randy’s eyes widened in delight, but before he could speak, his mom cut him off.  
  
“… but he has to know basic defense. Other than that, stay out of trouble, little man.” She smiled as she ruffles her son’s hair.  
  
“I’m taller than you”  
  
“Shut it”  
\------------  
  
Howard groaned as woke up. He slowly opened his eyes, still drowsy from sleep. He stared at the ceiling for a long time before realizing he’s not in his room. He quickly sat up but regretted it, as his head suddenly got dizzy from moving after so long.  
  
“Woaah, careful there. Wouldn’t want you puking your guts on my bed. That would be shnasty.”  
  
Howard paused. He slowly turned his head towards the voice. There, beside him, is Randy Cunningham, smiling nervously and eyes darting from side to side. Suddenly, all the events that happened the night before came slamming back, giving him a tremendous headache.  
  
As Howard hissed from the pain, Randy stood up and retrieved some aspirin from the drawer and a bottle of water. Randy sat back down next to him and offered the medicine to soothe the pain.  
  
Howard eyed him suspiciously. Sure enough, Randy looked hurt and began fiddling with the bottle, unsure on how he could get him to take them.  
  
“What the juice happened last night? And explain everything to me.. from the body to the point of knocking me out” Howard said calmly.  
  
Randy stopped and put the medicine and the bottle of water down. He was quiet for a while before speaking.  
  
“Ok, please.. please don’t freak out. But it started when…”  
  
Randy explained about how his family is the head of the Mafia in Norrisville. How, when his father is deemed unfit to ‘rule’ the underground business due to his unstable way he dealt with deals, his mother took over. How it was his birthright. How his mother started to train him on how the inside job operates. How meeting Howard gave him a little bit of self freedom (Howard _blinked_ at this). How the body of the man Howard found last night was supposed to kill Randy when they were out playing videogames. How his mom went home early to discover the man and killed him (to which he skimmed over quickly). How, when Randy got home, helped his mom in taking care of the body before Howard found out and was knocked out for it.  
  
His talk with his mom, his plea to keep Howard from disappearing off the face of the planet.  
  
“What the Juice?!” Howard was shocked  
  
“Mom wanted to get you off the grid so that you won’t get kidnapped due to your “connections” with us. I told her nobody knew anyway because you’ve been hanging out with me since six, and so far you turned out fine.”  
  
“Then Cunningham, why keep me from disappearing like your mom wanted?”  
  
Randy stared at him and answered in a matter-of-fact way:  
  
“Your family will start asking questions”  
  
“Oh”  
  
“…. And I still want to see you by my side. My mom will keep you away from me, even if she has to pull some strings to relocate your entire family out of Norrisville forever. It won’t be the same without you.”  
  
Howard thought that was sweet as he chugged down the aspirin with the bottle of water Randy brought for him. The headache lessened to a dull now, barely even there.  
  
As Randy talked about him needing to take self defense classes as part of his deal with his mom (to which Howard groaned and dreaded greatly) and telling him he told Mr. and Mrs. Weinerman that he stayed for a sleepover (to which he will have an _amazing_ time explaining his parents to), Howard set up the t.v and connected the controllers and got ready for a round of Grave Puncher.  
“Wait, does that mean you could control McFist ?!”  
  
“……yes?”  
  
“His factories, his products, merchandise…”  
  
“ ……..”  
  
“Oh you gotta tell me the perks of the Mafia while I pwnd’ your Grave Puncher highscore!”  
  
“NO! I worked on it for days!! HOWAAARD!!”  


**Author's Note:**

> Its a mafia!Au that no one asked for.. Its just for self indulgement so shhhh..
> 
> Sorry if there are some incorrect grammar. English isn't really my first language.
> 
> Hope you... enjoy? Hehehe


End file.
